It's All Fun and Games
by Don't Mess With Aria
Summary: A series of short, fluffy bits of the Normandy crew having fun. Expect no continuity. Updated when the Muse tells me to.


Shepard got up, disentangling herself from the giant corpse of her dead enemy.

"I hate fighting yahg; it's like fencing a turian," she muttered. Her favorite turian, tall with blue markings and a fearsome-looking head crest, climbed out of a pile of rubble across the room.

"That sounds rude," he said. "What's fencing?"

"Garrus, you don't-?" Shep shook her head. "Look it up, big guy. That's what the extranet is for, you know."

"Joker told me the extranet is for porn. He had a song and everything."

#

"Why would fencing a turian be harder?" Garrus asked the next day. His face was buried in his omni-tool, reading articles on fencing.

"Arm length, among other things. Just let it go, Garrus." Shep rolled her eyes.

_The things he obsesses on, sometimes._

#

"Shep, are we hitting the Citadel soon?"

"Sure, why?"

"No reason." Garrus strolled away, mandibles spread wide in a turian grin.

Shepard watched him walk away, eyes narrowing because she had no idea what he was grinning about.

_Just what the hell is he up to, anyway?_

#

When they arrived at the Citadel, Garrus promptly disappeared. Shep had thought he'd stay with her, but if he wanted to disperse like the rest of the crew, why should she mind? She could survive without him for a couple of hours, right?

Losing a few hours of couple time was not the issue.

#

Back on the ship, now, Shep waited for the rest of the crew to trickle in. She had authorized a three, but planned for a four. No one wanted to come back after a shore leave of any length. She was bent over her computer desk, trying to work through some files the Illusive Man had sent. Irritating.

When the door opened, she ignored it. Garrus could come and go as he pleased, now, and she knew he would let her wrap this up without getting sulky. Then she felt a sharp poke in her spine.

"Point Vakarian!" Garrus shouted. Shepard whirled around to see him make a flamboyant gesture with a fencing foil.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Fencing!"

"Normally, your opponent would have a foil to defend herself, you know."

"You should have planned better. Vakarian, away!"

Shepard sighed. She was seriously reconsidering her plans to sleep with the big turian. At least until he got rid of the damn sword.

#

Jacob tried to work on the guns in the armory.

"Point Vakarian!"

Miranda was looking through the shipping records, trying to figure out if they had actually gotten all of the food they had ordered.

"Point Vakarian!"

Thane, deep in prayer, was lost in memories of his wife.

"Point Vakarian!"

By the end of the week, everyone but Garrus was tired of it. By the end of the second week, Garrus had fashioned a cape and could be found practicing his swordwork, singing, "He makes the sign of the V," at anyone who would listen.

"Garrus, you have to stop playing with that thing. I'm getting tired of it." Shep tried to put the growl of authority in her voice.

Garrus tried to make puppy-dog eyes at her, an act which was severely hindered by turian face-plates in place of pliable human flesh.

"What if I just stop poking _you?"_ he asked. Shepard considered for a while the prospect of making a grown turian cry.

"Fine," she finally sighed in exasperation. "But make sure you get Zaeed a couple of times. I still don't like him."

#

Garrus sat in the mess. In addition to the sword he carried, and the cape he had made, somewhere he had found a hat.

_Where?_ Shep wondered. _We haven't been to port in weeks._

"You know," she said through a mouthful of cereal, "it's really hard to take you seriously in that thing."

Garrus raised his chin and gave a good imitation of a disdainful sniff. "I think you're just jealous you can't pull this off. No one else on this ship could -"

"Point Goto," came a voice behind Garrus. Kasumi Goto turned off her cloaking, saluted Garrus with her own foil and walked off.

Garrus's face fell.

"It's okay, Garrus." Shep reached out to pat him on the arm. "You're still way ahead on points."

#

Shep sat at her desk, working, trying to figure out what to do with _two_ crazy swordsmen on the ship, when she was poked in the middle of the back.

"Garrus, I told you to quit poking me with that sword."

"I don't have it anymore. I got a point off of Grunt, and he wrecked it."

"Then what are you -" Shepard blushed, the question unfinished, when she realized just how close Garrus was standing.

_That does not feel like a fencing foil. That does not feel like a fencing foil at all._

"Point Vakarian?" he asked.


End file.
